So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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