i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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