so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
