im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
