Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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