1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
