I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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