Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
