Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
