everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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