I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
