Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
