just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
