He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
