Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
