i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize