mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
