I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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