I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
