Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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