I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
