My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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