Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
