i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
