He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
