apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
