I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Watching her eat just hurts me
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
