If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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