she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
