Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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