I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I think my nap took me to another dimension
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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