Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
