just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize