Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
