So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
