I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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