I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
