also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
