you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
