I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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