Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize