I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
