I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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