the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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