My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
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