Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
