i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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