You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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