I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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