we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
