You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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