omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I love you.
Bad choice
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
