i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize