After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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