don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
