Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
