This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
