she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
