Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
