I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
