i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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