i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
