Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
