I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
