I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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