You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
