Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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