it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
