fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
