just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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