We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
